Pessimism versus Optimism

After my recent post “Have I taken my family down too?” my wife and I had a discussion about these terms. I realized that we used the words with slightly different meanings and that there is a perceived value of “bad” associated with pessimism and “good” associated with optimism; however, neither has any value of “good or bad.”

In looking at these words, I consulted the Miriam-Webster OnLine for the definition of both words:

Pessimism: “an inclination to emphasize adverse aspects, conditions, and possibilities or to expect the worst possible outcome”

Optimism: “an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome”

From John Gray’s “guide” Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, “Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicated, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate and respond the way women do. We have forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different.”

Women inherently are nest builders, caregivers, protectors of the young, etc., which value security, stability, and a “realistic” vision of the future. A more pessimistic view is needed to accurately meet these values.

Men inherently are adventurers, fighters, protectors of the family, etc., which value aggression, fierce, danger, and a “rose-colored” vision of the future. A more optimistic view is needed to accurately meet these values.

I do not want to imply that there is not some pessimism in men or that women lack optimism; however, our “programming” frequently gives us different vantage points.

I recently heard a story that illustrates my thoughts: A young boy about five years of age (wearing all of the appropriate safety equipment) was about to ride his skateboard down the slide attached to one of those little plastic climbing toys less than three feet off the ground (e.g., Little Tikes) and across the patio. Just as he took off on his skateboard both his mother and father look out of the house to see him go. The mother shouted “NO!” because her pessimistic programming kicked in and all she could see was a fall, crying, skinned body parts, or even worse. The father called out “cool” because his optimistic programming with “rose-colored” glasses only allowed him to see the adventure and concurring danger.

If I told you about a young teenager that lives down the street always riding bikes and skateboards on/over/off of things frequently without paying attention to the surroundings, jumping off the roof of the family house, and thinking there is no need to buckle the bike/skateboard helmet, in your mind is this teenager male for female? I would guess that most of you figured it was a young man trying to come of age. As dangerous as some of these activities may be, he must have an optimistic (and maybe “unrealistic”) view to fulfill his place in life among men.

While I believe women are more pessimistic, I wholeheartedly believe my woman is “good.”