I am where I need to be (part 1)

Call it God’s hand, or coincidence if you do not believe, but the things that finally lined up in my life over the last few weeks is amazingly powerful. Many of these events started out unrelated but their association became apparent later.

Last December I was invited to a company’s 50th anniversary party that was being held in Los Angeles. As a courtesy, they provided transportation from Orange County to the event. The limousine was primarily for clients and one former employee brought his spouse. I happened to be sitting near her during the ride and eventually the conversation came around to her profession. She has provided career consulting for the last decade or two after being involved in teaching.

Around the same time, I contacted one of the associate pastors at my family church (where I have been only an infrequent attendee over the last few years). I had met the pastor earlier in the year during an evening group (the first I had ever attended) shortly after he arrived at the church. We met to discuss my depression and he informed me that there were few groups starting after the first of the year, two of which he was leading and might be of interest to me. One is a small men’s group that would start off by reading John Eldredge’s book Wild at Heart. The second was a new workshop for “how to discover and live out of your unique” talents or spiritual gifts.

Shortly after the first of the year, when my psychiatrist while completing some paperwork for me, said that he rarely is able to make this recommendation “I should strongly consider Vocational Rehabilitation or career counseling.” However, he had no one he could refer me to, so I should just check the phone book and/or internet. Unbeknownst to him, less than a month previously I had met someone just with those qualifications.

Dysthymia definition and when is depression "cured"

Overall, dysthymia is considered a "less severe but more chronic" depression as discussed in Psychology Today's Diagnosis Dictionary. Along with the definition of dysthymia is this article from the Jul/Aug 2003 issue of Psychology Today discussing when depression is considered to be "cured"

Helping someone with depression

beyondblue Fact Sheet 1 provides information to family and friends about how to best help their loved one deal with depression.

Depression in men

beyondblue Fact Sheet 12 is a great four page overview of the subject and is convenient to use when talking to others about your depression.

Family and Depression

The March 2002 edition of Psychology Today Magazine has a good short article, "Action Strategies: Family and Depression" by Ellen McGrath about the devastating effects depression can have on a family because it can become infections, spreading from one family member to another similarly to a cold or flu.

Male Depression in Reader's Digest

Reader's Digest January 2007 edition has an article "The Secret Men Won't Admit" which highlights the differences between how the sexes experience depression (e.g., under reporting, misdiagnosed, or men not seeking help).

Male Menopause in Newsweek

The January 15, 2007, issue of Newsweek has an article Is Male Menopause Real? from two two Harvard Medical School faculty doctors, which focused on the levels of testosterone among men as they age and the problems associated with using this indicator and/or effectiveness of supplement treatment.

I have found an “edge and corner”

It has been months since I realized I really had a mental problem. For a year or two before, I was sure my problems sleeping, eating, digesting, etc. was because of a physical problem. I’m a typical man, so I put off going to the doctor because I was sure it was nothing, just everyday stress, or any other excuse I was willing to believe. Since many of the symptoms were similar, I talked myself into believing it was Sleep Apnea (why not – it is okay for a man to have problems because he quits breathing during his sleep at night). Close but no cigar.

As previously stated, it turned out to be a mental problem. After accepting the diagnosis, I continued to get worse. I was sure that a few meetings with a Psychologist would align me up and I would get on with my life…WRONG! When catching a cold or the flu, frequently you get worse before you get better. Well the same thing is happening to me with depression. It seems like I was given a jigsaw puzzle to complete and I have spent most of the last year turning the pieces over and identifying the edges, color patterns, etc. Finally I was able to locate two pieces that fit together forming one edge and corner. I know I’m on the path but do not yet know the direction or where I will be lead. As I write this, the vision of Dorothy in Munchkin-land starting down the yellow brick road pops into my head.

Lucky

As I get started on this string of posts, I want to share how I feel lucky (okay, know I must be lucky because many times I have numb feelings)…

While there have been times I have wanted to curl up into a ball and hide in the corner, I do not believe I have ever had an episode of major depression. My experience has been more of a long drawn out “feeling of nothing” where it is difficult to perform even the simplest “routine tasks.”

I have a loving wife who has stuck with me well past the point of frustration. Frequently she epitomizes the meaning of “for better or for worse.”

I have two wonderful children that give me many reasons to keep fighting forward as hard as it seems some days.

My family keeps me from ever “quitting the fight” because I could never put them through more pain than I can imagine.

As I have opened up (a little), I have found people that are understanding and empathize even if they do not fully understand and/or truly believe that depression is a disease. A few years ago I could have easily been one of these same people.

I have faith that I will come out better when the journey is over (or at least out of the steep mountains). At times others questioned the ability to maintain this outlook while being depressed. All I can say is “hay, this is the way I am.”